Friday - Do I take the red pill or the blue pill

For anyone who has seen the Matrix you will know what I mean by this. As its the weekend coming up and after a hard week am either going to have a relaxing one doing the normal stuff or do I go and explore what the real world is like UNPLUGGED.

So I think i am going to take the blue pill and go and explore what the seedy underworld is like and go out into Aylesbury tonight. Now my town has changed a lot since i used to go stomping around on it, tearing up the women, what do they do now, as when we used to go out we used to go pub crawling it, chat women up, maybe smoke a little weed, then get a kebab and be home by 1am, now im not so sure as everywhere seems open till morning, and I see people getting on in back alleys, kebab shops are still the same, but where does a 38 year old go now in Aylesbury to have a good time, I dont particularly like just going to a quiet pub as im 38 not 58, I still like dance music, I still like talking to girls, and I still like having fun.

So am sitting here looking at the 2 pills, the red one has the pipe and slippers written all over it and I know that one wont give me any sideffects but the blue pill, that little monkey will get me into a whole host of trouble as Im the type of person who doesnt do things by half measures, so I am thinking if i take the blue pill can i live with the consequences.

Firstly what does one wear now as I dont want to look like an 18 year old again and I dont want to look like your dad.

Do I wear a t-shirt or do i wear a shirt?

How many buttons do I leave undone?

Do I wear my shirted tucked in or out?

Jeans - do I show my pants or not?

Do I wear trainers or shoes?

Does anybody use a wallet now or do they take just the cash?

Shave or not shave?

Pants or boxers or commando?

Next, what do you drink now, I was brought up on pints, is that that the norm now or do i go with a cocktail.

If I want to dance now, how do you do it. do I due cue tips, make the pizza or just shuffle.

How do I talk to girls now, what should be the first line?

As i think about it the red pill is starting to look more appealing, but you know what i am Mr G and whatever the blue pill holds I am sure I will come out the other side, I will let you all know what the blue pill did to me, or if you dont hear from me again you know that i am unplugged and free. On the other hand I think taking the red pill might be the best option as I just can t be arsed with all that again.

Loveletters - Just do it

Last weekend I thought long and hard about my wife and how much i loved her and thought to myself, Im going to write her a loveletter and post it so she will recieve it in the post and smile.

I haven't done anything like this since i was about 10 and stared at the blank piece of paper and couldnt think of what to say. Now i used to be great at english at school, I have 2 A-levels to prove it so i know i can write, but I sat there for 30 minutes thinking what would should i say or what shouldnt i say.

How do you tell someone that has given birth to your daughter, looked after your other 2 daughters from the age of 4 and they treat her like a 2nd mum, gives in to my every whim, puts up with me going up mountains going for hours on end, and still manages to work full time as well that you simply love them.

Tricky...... So how do you know when you love someone. So I came up with these guidelines and hope it will put everybody in good stead as a friend of mine has recently broken up from her boyfriend of 4 years.

So here goes, I am not going to preach and this is my own personal opinion. Use them, dont use them, but at least read them and then hopefully you will know the signs when it hits you or you might relate to what im saying.

I can never sleep alone without my wife

When we argue, I always crack first and say sorry

You always call each other by a silly nickname that only the pair of you know.

I always want to do things that surprise her to see her smile

I love cooking for her

I always want to hold her hand in public

I still find her very sexy even when shes just woken up

I love hearing her laugh

I clean her car for her

I always make her tea first thing in the morning

I hate seeing her crying

When her blue eyes look at me, I still want to marry her, even though I am

When she rings me I ALWAYS answer

I get butterflys 10 minutes before she gets home from work.

I know everything about her, from what chocolate she likes to what order she does her make up.

I know exactly what she likes in bed because we talk.

I love seeing her face when I play with our daughter and she laughs.

I iron her shirts for her when shes late for work.

I always want to spend 99% of my time with her.

Im always dreaming up ideas how to please her.

I love buying underwear for her

We both love art and I love seeing her face when she says something she likes or excites her.

I love to dance with her

There are many more things but I felt I was getting too gushy, but I was thinking, there are so many types of love, they way you love your family, they way you love your friends, they way you love yourself, but I think it takes a long time to really know true love, and that yes when you meet someone there is the physical attraction but the love really does come a lot later. I have been in many relationships where I KNOW now that it was not love, it was lust, infatuation, or just loneliness. So being the ripe old age of 38 I feel content knowing that I am in love and would advise anybody who reads this to do somthing that makes your partner smile, not to rush into anything as it will find you eventually and just enjoy the moments until they make you stop smiling. As for the love word, dont say it unless you really mean it as it seems everybody says it to each other without actually thinking waht it should mean, so dont cheapen it!!

As for my letter, it took me quite a while but i got there eventually, and I recommend doing it as just like blogging, its very therapeutic to get things off your chest and to all of you who are not sure if you are in love- do something about it, or it will disappear over the horizon.

I shall leave you with this thought:

Love is a temporary madness.

It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

This is my favourite description of love - Captain Correllis Mandolin

Swine Flu - Truth is out there - the stigma

I have spent the last 5 days worrying about my 4 year old daughter- my youngest daughter has suspected swine flu, now i know everyone will gasp in horror at this.

It started last friday with her having a runny nose and temperature and then developed into the watery eyes, now as parents we have seen this a lot and there isnt a month that goes by where aimee hasnt caught something. It seemed like a normal cold thing going on until she started saying that her legs were aching, so we decided for the best to get her checked out on monday,

Now I dont know why but in this country we never seemed prepared or ready for anything out of the ordinary, every winter proves this when we have snow.

So after calling the surgery and as soon as we said that our daughter had cold/flu like symptoms they ended the conversation bluntly with ' we dont deal with this, you must phone this number'

so thought ok called the number and had to give them the symptoms, and they said the doctor will call back. 6hours later and countless calls before the doctor calls back. And he then summises to say he's not sure as all the symptoms are similar and so alike, AND THEY ARE NOT TESTING ANYMORE. so he said here is a special code and you must go to this pharmacy at this special time and the treatment will be handed over to you, it was all very cloak and dagger as he said there was only 2 places left in aylesbury that had stock left. So I arrived at the pharmacy at 9pm in the evening!!! and there were at least 150 people in the queue already, so me being nosey i enquired if everyone was here for Tamiflu and they all said yes, I heard stories in the queue that 1 guy had to ring the bell on his surgery then go and sit back in his car with the windows done up and the doctor came out to the car to check him with a face mask on.

After being in the queue for a further 2hours as they only had 2 people in the pharmacy serving that said we would have come back as they couldnt make the prescriptions up quick enough for us, or they had'nt recieved the official fax to dispense it. So thankfully i was one of the lucky ones that they managed to do and get the official fax, the instructions were even worse, you have to be quarantined for 5 days and I was now a flu buddy as i didnt have the symptoms but my wife had a sore throat so she was deemed with it as well.

Now i dont know if there is an underground epidemic going on that nobody is shouting about or things are not being explained clearly enough. Yes there are people dying of it but they keep saying these people had underlying health issues - is this true and what are these health issues, im pretty sure my daughter has only got a viral infection that has been passed round, but surely there has to be a system where they have to test as it seems ridiculous just to give out the treatment willy nilly to anyone who has a sore throat as that what was happening.

Why is it that our government and health service cannot get it right, I know they are overwhelmed at the moment but surely the testing will alleviate this problem a bit like a triage nurse, Aimee thankfully is getting better as her temperature is going down but as I had to mention it to my employees and my wife had to talk to pre-school, pre-school annoyed me as they said they had 2 cases last week but didnt want to mention it as they didnt want to cause a panic, how irresponsible!!!!!!! surely it is up to the parents to make that decision to let their child go to preschool if there was a suspected case, surely enough 2 days later preschool put a notice up at the door to say they have had suspected swine flu cases - bolt, horse springs to mind.

Now I talked to work and informed them and told them not to worry as i think it was just a cold but gave them the truth of what the doctors had said, as you can imagine they were all worried they were going to catch it, but at least they said they were prepared for it now and to look out for it and they all agreed that it had been hyped up into a frenzy but thanked me for informing them. Now i had a few appontments this week and i informed them of the situation and all of them told me to stay away!!! which i thought is the wrong attitude as it was just feeding the rumour mills even more but it made me think how stupid we really are to let this get to us and to believe the papers and the news, if there was no mention of it in the news we would all think this was just another cold and surgerys could get on as normal and not be inundated and they could test.

So what is the truth about this, how many people are actually dying from this and how does it compare to normal flu, why cant the goverment do the vaccine now as they are saying it will get worse come september, I for one am carrying on as normal and will probably get 'swine flu' as will everbody on this planet but i am not going to panic over it as we all have to die of something and I for one know it is not going to be this!! So people think positive, dont read or listen to the news, there is a lot to live for so lets get on with it.

Guilty Pleasures or just a big girl

Was thinking as im watching confessions of a shopaholic film that im not quite a bloke bloke, dont get me wrong there are still blokey things that i like, a lot of them have to do with the female form, but it strikes me that i dont get under the bonnet of my car and tinker away or drink beer by the keg, or swear or fight, in fact when i started to think what i liked i thought crap theres quite a lot of feminine stuff in there, so i started to do ' a for and against if i was more girly or more blokey. and this is how it came out:

Girly Blokey

I cry at sad or happy films I like football

I know how to do a french platt I like walking up mountains

I like tidiness I like computer games like the Wii

I like shopping for clothes I like hot food

Girls talk to me like their friend I like gadgets ( my new multimedia player

holds upto 1000 dvds - cool

I dye my hair now im stuck

I like beautiful plants I can read a map

I like cooking I like seeing girls in underwear

I like Kylie

I wear pink shirts

I have girlfriends NOT girlfriends

I love art

I do am/dram

I love to dance

See!! I know im not gay, but i do worry that i dont go down the pub drink a few ales, see even that is a girly thing - worrying what others think. So why is this as i came from a house that had 1 brother and 2 sisters, i think thats fairly normal although my brother would say thay my eldest sister isnt normal. I grew up in an fairly tough neighbourhood, went to tough schools so it must be in the genes as i didnt have a strong woman influence in my life so where does it come from, I know a lot of gay people, girls and men, in fact i went out with a bisexual lap dancer who i met at art college so i see a lot of similarities, but again i have enforce i like girls so perhaps i just have to accept that perhaps all the men type things are boring and what girls do is a lot more fun. Perhaps i was a girl in a previous life. So when i die and someone has to stand up and describe me i think i'd like to be there to hear it, I know i am unique as there can only be 1 Mr G but am beginning to think I have all the characteristics of a Metrosexual as this is the official description of one:

Metrosexual is a neologism of the 2000s generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and/or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically related to gay men.

So now i know what i am, i feel quite comfortable with it and i can get on with watching Titanic.

I AM going to hell

Today was a bit of a weird day as I was asked if i had found God - anyone know the proper answer to this? as i stuttered 'no, but im hoping to' was my answer not knowing if this was right or wrong.

It started out as a normal day, me treading in the new kitttens cat litter tray barefoot and managing to get toothpaste down my newly ironed shirt, so I knew from then on I was in for a hard day, I had 3 appoinments today, 1 with a company called french linen co, the other with waddesdon manor for some books im producing for Lord Rothschild and Southcourt Baptist Church, the first 2 appt went without to much hitch and finally got to my last appt at 3pm where i met the newly appointed reverend for the area.

He was quite young and seemed quite on the ball and fairly modern so we chatted for about 45 minutes about anything and eveything ( being a salesman you have to be able to talk twaddle forever and i manage to have that gift ) and eventually we got around to the godly subject when he came straight out with it. ' Have I been touched by God and have I found him.'

Now being me i had to ask didnt i after the initial No, how does one find God? and he then transpired into telling me his first experience and feeling Gods presence when he was running Sports Day when he was 9.

So I asked him if he made him win and then he began to tell me he was leading but let his friend win as God told him too. My first question to him as i felt i could talk very openly with him was WHY!! you were winning!!! Why would God tell you this, to which he answered, because it was Gods will. What does this mean!!! as i was nearly swearing Gods will! Gods will! how can making you come 2nd in sports day help the frigging starvin children in Africa I was thinking.

After that he started telling me how if i came to church i would feel his presence and i would understand his will, this guy was a good salesman i was thinking as he had me saying yes to every question he was asking. We left the meeting with me telling him that I MIGHT come to church on sunday, but as i left and had time to digest it i thought how do you know when and how do you know if you have found God, Is it like a Eureka moment or does he appear in front of you because when i meet him i have a few questions to ask him like Why did you give us nipples on men as they are utterly useless and why did you give us gherkins and why are girls bums so great in tight jeans, useless questions i know but still important to me.

I also want to know why he hasnt made me a millionaire yet. So was also wondering if you could ask God 1 question what would it be: And after much soul searching I thought of 'Whats next weeks lottery numbers?' I think this tells you a lot about me as i know i am money orientated and selfish - i knew this but just wanted it confirmed by the big one. Dont worry i know i have my unselfish moments but the selfish ones outweigh them. Anyway back to my question: where do you find him as apparently he can be found anywhere, and what does he look like, wow what if he was a she, wow that would answer a lot of my questions so if you know the answer to my question, DONT tell me as im quite happy knowing im going to hell. im happiest there.

Walk the Wight

After the mass of mountians last year i decided to arrange a weekend away to do a walking race on the Isle of wight which was from the east of the island finishing at the needles which was 26.5 miles, now if you havent walked then you dont know how tough this can be as we had every kind of weather imaginable, the weekend started off great with us getting rather drunk on the friday night and seeing the greatest dancer on earth who on his own manged to clear the dance floor by himself and kept on it for 3 whole hours much to the ricky martin impersonators annoyance have a look at the video feed in mark gregorys on the other blog titled Its him!! -made me chuckle for hours, so inevitably we got quite drunk and a good time was had by all. Saturday was a glorious sunny day in sandown and we all went to the beach to play with the kids and had a lunch at the oceana and did the usual seaside pics.

Then came the main event on sunday - the race - gulp. early start as we were up at 6 to drive to catch the coach to get us to the start, eventually after a long wait for the coach and brother marks bowels starting early instead of the usual 9.30 ( he's the only person i know that takes a toilet roll everywhere on a walk as a priority!!) It was cold and windy at the start and we had heard there was 15,000 people doing it, as we got closer we could see that this was true. so we started at 7.50am and as soon as we got to the 1st mile hill the heavens opened and all of us was soaked through, , now if you have walked in wet gear you will know what i mean that i was then dreading the next 25 miles in wet gear. All through the the weather was a mix of everything and the terrain was awful as it was muddy and heavy, by the time we got to halfaway we lost each other and had the solitude of my ipod ( i dont know how i managed without it ) we got to to 16 mile mark and my brother caught me up but the other mark was nowhere to be seen, we got to the 22 mile and i was suffering from cramp badly and then my brother informed me he had been taking this drink called Viper and he was like a rabbit after that, i never saw him till the finish, i got to the needles around 4.30ish seeing my brother came in about 30 mins ahead of me, it made me extremely proud of the the 3 of us that started it finishing it and especially my brother after the bad injury he had doing the 3 peaks last year. For all of us middle aged men who dont want to let go of their youth this was our day as Team Twat walked off into the sunset like Foggy, Compo and Clegg. But where was Fred? For those who dont know Fred, Fred is a prominant person i the community who i cannot reveal his real name as he is in a very public position but he is the pyschopath of our group and we call him Fred after Fred Astaire as you should see the way he runs down mountain dancing and skipping on the rocks and he also has no fear and regularly amazes me at his sheer bloody mindedness to succeed, if you know him you cannot help to be inspired by him and it was sad that he couldnt do this trip, check out my facebook albums and you will see him in action. When i look back on this walk, i now feel i can do anything as we walked 8 1/2 hours non stop with out breaks. So for all of you that want to feel fitter or just want to do somthing different, go and experience the fresh air on a dewy early morning when its quiet and hear nothing but yourself .

Hair dye - am i too old?

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oh go on then

I have finally succumbed to blogging although im not sure what im supposed to be doing with it, a friend in america introduced me to it and i loved her posts about her life and family so i thought what better way to get things off your chest each day then to tell it to - nobody!! sounds very therapeutic.

So here goes, have worked for the umpteenth time late again, last 2 weeks have been very hard as have been doing 18 hour days, getting stressed, sometimes so much find it hard to relax and breath, havent spent much time with the kids and am feeling gulity about, sometimes i wonder if i made the right decision to buy my own company, seems to much like hard work. why do we work so hard? as my dad used to say the more you earn the more you want and he was right, what happened to going home and relaxing with your family, where have those values gone, sometimes i reminice to when i was a kid and it all seemed so simple, looking forward to summer holidays, wondering who you fancied the most, what would you spend your pocket money on.

wow where did it all have to get so serious, i know im funny, so why dont i laugh as much,

anyway what else has happened today, silly season at work where everybody is going on holiday 1 girl is off to turkey, how jealous i am, shes 19 and doesnt even worry about sunscreen. my youngest daughter had her induction day today at her new school which she starts in september,

and have started my first blog!!! is there an initiation or anything?